No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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