Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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