life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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