Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
