I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
