no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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