If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
