Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
