you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
