He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
