and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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