cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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