worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I understand Curling. That high.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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