WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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