My sheets look like a crime scene.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
