drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
