I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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