BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
