How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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