is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
