# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
