I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
