I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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