I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
