I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
