I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
