i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
