He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
