Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
