In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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