Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
