Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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