Im at strip club and am horny
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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