I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Operation Purity has been aborted
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
