I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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