why do cheetos always look like penises
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
