Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
