is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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