I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
