I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
