I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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