My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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