I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
