Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
