you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
