i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
