my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
