I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
