I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
