I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
