a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
