At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
whose parrot is this?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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