You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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