My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She bit a glass in half.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
