Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
